so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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