smell my finger.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
