My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
