I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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