He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
