if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
