I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Congratulations! We have a period
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