Already got asked if we're dating
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
