On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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