Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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