Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
