im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
