it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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