Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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