He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
only you would photoshop your dick
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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