Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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