I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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