I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
