I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
