There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
