I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
