where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
