I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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