Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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