This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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