we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize