I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
