i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
