I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
