just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
