I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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