Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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