Having a random hookup so left but love u
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
