Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
