Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
