its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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