I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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