i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
