Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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