I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
