Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
