what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bring money and cleavage
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think a kid would responsible me up
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
