i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
