An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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