I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
