I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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