she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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