Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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