I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
