I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
handjob tips. give me some.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
