3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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