Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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