You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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