i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
