I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
