You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
