how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no, he came in my armpit
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Everclear isn't food dammit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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