yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
