I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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