Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
