three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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