I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
