We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We have so much sex to catch up on
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
