I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Shame - the story of my life.
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