hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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