Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
