I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You had me at "let me see your balls"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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