He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
