How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
