Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
