We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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