so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
