Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
