My liver just broke up with me...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
