her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
