SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We are two peas in an std pod
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
