what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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