I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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